He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
