somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
