The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
