this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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