Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're so nebulous sometimes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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