I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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