I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
