exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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