As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
