can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
50% drunk capacity currently
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
