I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
