I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
