Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
