he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
