is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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