I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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