Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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