also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
