he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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