dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
