you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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