Texts From Last Night

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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

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  (985): for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now http://tfl.nu/fzln
  Replies (59) Good night (954) Bad night (4767)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up

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  (312): Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up http://tfl.nu/cco3
  Replies (20) Good night (3231) Bad night (979)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.

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  (770): next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth. http://tfl.nu/is4b
  Replies (22) Good night (1533) Bad night (3009)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?

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  (408): I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access? http://tfl.nu/pvq3
  Replies (27) Good night (5394) Bad night (1379)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.

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  (250): He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS. http://tfl.nu/xkr3
  Replies (5) Good night (1099) Bad night (2618)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.

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  (601): And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob. http://tfl.nu/lvxa
  Replies (8) Good night (2623) Bad night (959)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.

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  (832): No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin. http://tfl.nu/1p6f
  Replies (16) Good night (992) Bad night (2306)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.

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  (718): Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/imva
  Replies (5) Good night (1865) Bad night (684)
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  (949): View more from California

  Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.

  (562): View more from California

  The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me

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  (949): Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life. (562): The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me http://tfl.nu/pb5f
  Replies (5) Good night (1869) Bad night (751)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.

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  (484): donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them. http://tfl.nu/hk6n
  Replies (0) Good night (1126) Bad night (848)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.

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  (201): Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics. http://tfl.nu/mn0a
  Replies (6) Good night (953) Bad night (648)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance

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  (480): He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance http://tfl.nu/vksf
  Replies (7) Good night (1136) Bad night (555)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea

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  (608): So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea http://tfl.nu/i0d0
  Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (791)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.

  (1-438): View more from Quebec

  God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss

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  (438): I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents. (1-438): God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol. (438): Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss http://tfl.nu/li35
  Replies (2) Good night (931) Bad night (434)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested

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  (301): What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested http://tfl.nu/1943
  Replies (1) Good night (392) Bad night (304)

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