I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text