I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she pinky promised me she was 18
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place