I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"