listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.