Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy