Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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  (850): I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off. http://tfl.nu/irzu
  Replies (22) Good night (2913) Bad night (621)
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  (619): View more from California

  We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants

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  (619): We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants http://tfl.nu/owqu
  Replies (15) Good night (7679) Bad night (712)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits

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  (843): fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits http://tfl.nu/ms1d
  Replies (16) Good night (7102) Bad night (775)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??

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  (618): Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking?? http://tfl.nu/g7y8
  Replies (42) Good night (4538) Bad night (1450)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

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  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
  Replies (56) Good night (1538) Bad night (6031)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants

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  (815): the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants http://tfl.nu/kron
  Replies (6) Good night (4313) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Update, its a couple

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  (402): On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho. (402): Update, its a couple http://tfl.nu/mrbp
  Replies (16) Good night (6684) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo

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  (205): I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo http://tfl.nu/nrq4
  Replies (23) Good night (4897) Bad night (1081)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.

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  (515): at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there. http://tfl.nu/x808
  Replies (4) Good night (2610) Bad night (863)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.

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  (303): U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up. http://tfl.nu/8u2m
  Replies (3) Good night (1115) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.

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  (661): I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore. http://tfl.nu/4rua
  Replies (7) Good night (819) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  why would you automatically assume i'm high...

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.

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  (301): why would you automatically assume i'm high... (240): you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix. http://tfl.nu/8cui
  Replies (3) Good night (1891) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dude what the fuck...

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  (502): I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer. (330): Dude what the fuck... http://tfl.nu/hphb
  Replies (4) Good night (1618) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

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  (804): Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is http://tfl.nu/zc14
  Replies (2) Good night (1213) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.

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  (480): She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine. http://tfl.nu/3eun
  Replies (6) Good night (685) Bad night (248)

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