So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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