I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"