I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was like eating out sand paper
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
