that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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