I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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