yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
