I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
