he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
