I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
