I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
