Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
