You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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