your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't put those talents on a resume
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
