new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
