you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
