Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
