I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
