good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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