You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
