He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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