the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
