You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
