you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
