Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
