I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
