my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
