During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
