You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
