i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
