God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
