I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize