A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
