and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
