Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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