There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
