Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
