Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
