Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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