My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
