I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
