if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
