he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
