i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
