just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
