She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
