My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We need to get me chipped asap
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
