I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
