I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
