you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
