I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
